by Ponder

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this ship is sinking way too fast and tears up the pieces we hardly sticked together no excuses and no resets. we glued this streets together with our tears and our blood. now it´s falling all apart, now it´s falling all apart. and after all you´re just a story it´s up to you if it´s worth to tell
you lock the bedroom door and cried so i can hear it. i sat infront that door but you were never really near me. you said, i said we´ll never leave this behind forever you said i´ll see you in the morning and you let me standing there. we were dreaming about something new, a story worth to tell. and after all i know what to do, run away. choose your favorite sweater and pack it in your bag let´s leave the rest behind and never look back. it´s all about the stories you´ll be able to tell. no excuses and no sorrys will heal the wounds erase the pain. what if after all you look back on ashes and bricks and it scares you to death, this was the life you lived.
maybe i´m a typical guy, living a typical lie and maybe all my friends might ask me what the fuck i´m doing with my life. at least i´m not sure about it. i´m facing all my problems. they´re coming without warning and i´m trying just to solve them. so am i sad? i guess i´m not. but sometimes life´s a bit too hard but one day i´ll walk down straight the glory lane and dumb down all the pain. but one day i´ll walk down straight the glory land and the bad days will fade away. this is my last semester. i promise that i won´t mess up. i know i said this a hundred times but it is easier to live a lie. guess i´m sorry for hanging out too much with my best friends at the parking lot. should feel sorry for messing up, to be honest i don´t. and if i have to climb the mountain i will move it instead and if it takes one hundred years i´ll walk through with upraised head.
it feels so wrong the days slip by on and on. once i feel strong, strong enough to move the shelter collapses i get off with bruises the voices in my head sing: once again i´m losing. i feel my knees getting weaker every time i try to go on. my breath is getting deeper and i´m trying just to follow. all those dreams made by myself and it seems like i can´t handle. fill my lunges then hey collapse. there´s still burning a small candle. i´m running circles in my mind, trying to look up, trying to find something worth to reach so i don´t fall in too deep. i guess i´m messed up forever and i´m drowning in the water. slowly fills my lung with tears and it gets better. i guess i´m messed up forever and ever and ever. sorry to my friends i left standing at the shore. the struggling has worn me down i´m hopelessly jaded. i´m fading all away and i pretend that i will save ´em. so i´m slipping and i´m sinking but i´m drowning way too slow. make a future make a living but i say: "no." do me a favor and bury me by the river where we used to be. when we were kids.
i woke up early today and took the train at 10.30. i´m still a bit hasty and i´m still a bit nervous. it´s been a goddamn while since we were all home but as i leave the train it´s like those days before. andy picked me up with his van and i can be who i am. freddy´s smoking some weed ´cause that´s what we always did. i was so scared of being alone, all my friends are finally home. of course a lot has changed since those days but in some crazy way it stays the same. and we are storming the parking lot lisening to our favorite songs. for another night we´ll be fine. and i guess that it´s quite okay when all the haters say: "goddamn you have to grow up." "the casket" at the corner is closed. maybe forever don´t know. we had a lot of those brawls, our names still graved on the walls. hipsters still surround us with their grown-up minds and fancy glasses. mikey doesn´t care he causes trouble today. they say it´s time to let my heroes die. they say it´s time to move on with my life. won´t let them die.
i can hear you sleep. soft and steady. but i have to leave. need some sleep my darling. i´m tired of the weather. raindrops are falling on my head. every night and every day i´m fading just away. i will leave so you won´t drown. don´t let me drag you down. you might go down in history. but without me. i have to admit i´m a little bit afraid. i promise i don´t want to quit but i´m fucked up by trade. remember the kiss you gave me i keep that in mind. every day, every night. for the rest of my life.
you took the right drugs ´cause you´ve passed out on the floor. maybe you left a letter which explains what your parents want to know. and you left one. it says you blame society for your depression and you´re feelings in between. fuck. judy and sam could be still alive if we were just listening and helped when they denied that they got bullied all over the time. we treated them like assholes ´cause we thought tey were fine. while they´re crying we are dancing. while they´re dying we are totally alive. shame on you, shame on me, shame on everyone. fuck society. guess we´re all murderers but ignorance is bliss. we´re laughing and we´re dancing while some of us just get: beated and hurted and totally destroyed but we´re all giving a fuck on what we don´t know. fuck.
we´re sitting in the cold of december i´ll hold your hand and you´ll be save. for this one and only night let´s act like i´m not years too late. wrap your arms around me it is fucking cold tonight. we changed in so many ways but the truth is we lived our lifes. hey there lets have a seat, lay your head down on my chest and lets dream about the summer we created all the mess. maybe i will look into your eyes very carefully. they will rip my heart into pieces i tried to put together when i was sixteen. it´s been a goddamn while since we brought it to an end in our lovely city park. you´re still mad about the text i sent. i´m sure this will end up in tears. you promised you´d stay punk. but you created something that´s pretty much like your mom. hey you this is my last call i can barely remember the time we spent in anger. and from now on we´re not hiding anymore. we are young and no more hopeless. we are strong. not fucking sad.
do you know the shocking news? london is burning. the radio speaks to some experts which are earning far too much. don´t let my mind wander. i´m really really scared. what if this happens to our home? oh sweet home. to our home. oh sweet home. we will dance in the ashes. in the ashes of our own. burn down our burden won´t bequeath it to our sons. we will open a new chapter a new world a new life. and someday they´ll raise a monument in honor who survived. do you know the shocking news? our hometown is drowning. while idiotic fanatics try to bring us to our knees. but we won´t go down, we won´t surrender. i´m absolutely sure that we will defend our home. oh sweet home. our home. oh sweet home. and we will raise our fists to protect the glory and we´ll sing an anthem which tells our story. it goes ooooooh.
he´s a fighter. galaxy rider. as far as i can tell, never a liar. full of emotions. but he can´t show ´em. his mouth is moving but the words won´t come out. guess he´s crying while he´s flying in the falcon following hamill. kickin´ asses. that´s his passion. but i guess there´s more behind. hey chewy what you´re trying to say. try to listen but i can´t understand. you look like you don´t mind. for sure chewbacca is a sad guy. gets on the falcon plays chess when he gets lonely when he´s a mess. and on his worst days he´s down again and he beliees this time it might be different. but in the deep of his chest there´s beating the sad rest. princess leia has a place there. but the hole will be never filled. chewbacca is a sad guy.
i remember the day that i drove to your home. you called me to come over ´cause there´s something wrong. you sat there waiting on the doorsteps with crying eyes i´m not set to what will happen now i want to go but you said please tell me that we will always be friends. i don´t wanna talk again we will never just be friends. you were just a dream for me now a painful memory. i don´t hate you no i don´t. but i don´t know you anymore. i remember sitting next to you and holding your hand. please tell me that it´s over ´cause i can´t go on. again we´re standing on this doorsteps and still that thing you don´t get. please listen to me now. but you said. please tell me that we will always be friends until the fucking end.
they were dancing in the dark to the party in their heads. you took me to city park we jumped through sprinklers instead. we were dancing in the dark to the playlists in our hearts. like two kids who jump around turned the silence into sound. there´s looking at you but there´s no looking at me. don´t know if it´s true but there is something i see. there´s looking at you but there is nothing to feel. i watched you sleeping the next day i don´t know what to say since i met you in vancouver. you pretend nothing happend and i tried to be brave but i´m still stuck in vancouver. all the days i spent with you on your special city tour. you showed me your secret place i just remember your face. sometimes i guess i felt at home. sometimes you seemed to be strange. someday i will be gone. will you remember my name? i stay forever with you in vancouver.
so there you are. how was your term abroad? tell me all of your apartment was it big have you traveld the roads we talked about the times before have you ever passed out on the floor? ´cause you can´t handle the drinks they serve. tell me everything about lessons learned. with your adventure you could fill a book. i want to be the one who takes the first look. surely it all stucks in your head. there are stories you´d never tell. but i want to be a part of it. really want to be a part of it. come on and take me down to the river. your words make me believe that i am fine. your words make me believe that i´m alright. when we were young we swore we´d build a raft. and we´ll follow the river even if it´s the last thing we will do in our lifes. cut the cord and we´re on a ride. but we never really cut the cord. you´re the one who left me alone. and all that remains are the stories in my head. i´m alright.
she said she needed to go. she came as a kid and she leaves as a grown. time passed and so did her youth. she´s angry she´s sad and it seems like she loses. she leans her head on my shoulder and as the leaves fall i tightly hold her. she whispers in silence she´s scared as fuck what if we´re dying with no story left. that´s ain´t it we´ve got more to tell what if the ocean is flooding the city and we´re dying we´re drowning we´re going down tonight? what if the bombs drop and finally quit it will you go down with a smile? i know the time will come when we have to ask should we stay or run. you can´t go on any longer don´t know if i am stronger. but these hands are not tired. at least not yet i´ll carry you higher. i´ll start at the bottom and stop on top of the mountain and on it´s highest peak we´ll look around and that´s ain´t it. we´ve got more to tell. i think we´ll dance when it collapses above our head we won´t go down then. and after all you´re just a story it´s up to you if it´s worth to tell.


released February 6, 2017

recorded by ponder
mixed by michael buschka
mastered by benedikt hain outback recordings

artwork by manuel wieslhuber


all rights reserved


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